


Off Beats

by FelicityGS



Series: Poetry Verse [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Comfort, Grief, M/M, Near Death Experiences, magic apples
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 18:52:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2478809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FelicityGS/pseuds/FelicityGS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I am not done looking, Loki, but I do not have an answer or way <em>now</em> and Steve needs <em>now</em>. I know that it will not be half so well done as you would do and I know I ask a great deal of you, but please--trust me. I swear to you that I will do everything I can and more besides. I will swear to you on whatever you wish. I will not let Steve go to Valhalla so easily."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Off Beats

**Author's Note:**

> A zillion years after Interludes and the other long-fic I had planned, there's this gem and the story I'll post tomorrow that follows it.

"Thor, _please_. I don't care what you ask, what I need do, _please_ , I can fix this, just--"

"Loki," Thor says gently, resting hands still soaked in blood on his brother's shoulders. "I would give you the apple I have brought for Steve in a heartbeat, would have given it to you long ago, if it would do what you ask. I have looked for ways to return your gifts to you for years now."

"What?"

Thor dislikes to see such anguish on Loki's face, such shock and despair. He is so very _tired_ today, to see his brother-in-law fall as he had, to be needed to help restrain him so he did not injure himself further, to leave for a few moments when Steve fell unconscious to retrieve one of Indunn's apple though he should not (how frequently it seemed he broke Fa--Odin King's edicts of late), to return to find Loki angry and biting as he always is when left helpless and scared. It has been a very long day, it feels, with much left to do.

"I am not done looking, Loki, but I do not have an answer or way _now_ and Steve needs _now_. I know that it will not be half so well done as you would do and I know I ask a great deal of you, but please--trust me. I swear to you that I will do everything I can and more besides. I will swear to you on whatever you wish. I will not let Steve go to Valhalla so easily."

Loki's face goes the still-blank that Thor has never been able to read and will never be able to read, and in this moment Thor does not know what his brother will say, only hopes that he has managed to speak well enough Loki understands him, that he has not miscommunicated _again_.

Loki gives a single tight nod, pulling back. In another time, Thor may have tried to hold on, to emphasize his promise through reassuring squeeze, but as Loki draws back he lets go.

He leaves Loki, his brother's arms crossed, blood on his sleeves from Thor's hands.

XXXXXX

Usually, Steve is the one to comfort Loki.

(If Clint is honest with himself, usually none of them are ever aware when Loki needs comfort other than Steve. Natasha is likely aware but doesn't bring it up and if Tony notices his idea of comfort is alcohol and science--even Clint knows that isn't comfort to Loki.)

Usually, though, doesn't particularly apply to this case. If he goes with the usual, he'd start with Steve coming back conscious if a little scratched up, not with partially shattered skull and the rest of him a mess. He'd be sitting with Steve as Steve debriefs--if things had gone well, one of Steve’s legs would be bouncing, eager to get back to his husband, and if they hadn’t, he’d be still, hands in his lap, eyes probably a bit haunted.

He wouldn't be here.

But Tony is with Thor, helping keep Steve still when he wakes since the super serum means there’s no sedative in the world strong enough to safely keep Steve down, Natasha is in the field half way across the world, Bruce is very much unconscious and exhausted, and of the original team (the _family_ as they all joke but actually mean) that leaves Clint.

"Hey," he says well before he can be perceived as sneaking up. He might not like Loki much, but he doesn't hate him anymore, understands that he's changed, and he knows how much Steve loves him. There's no need to be mean.

Loki glances at him, arms crossed. His face is blank other than suspiciously bright eyes. (If Clint didn’t know better, he'd think Loki fine--but this is several warnings in one.)

"Here," Clint offers, holding out the only thing that had to be removed before Steve was rushed in. As Loki reaches out and takes the wedding band, Clint sees the faintest tremble in his hand; he doesn't say anything though.

"Thank you," Loki says quietly.

“So what’s that apple Thor mentioned?” he says after a few awkward minutes (he’s never been good at comfort, not like this).

“From Asgard.” Loki pauses, clearing his throat, forcing his voice above a whisper. “They have properties that you would call magical--they are able to heal near any injury. Humans are... smaller in many ways than Aesir, so the properties are amplified, reversing the damages of time as well as other injury. It is why the tree--and it is really trees, Indunn has an orchard--is called the Tree of Life in myth on Earth.”

Usually, Clint would be snide about the smaller comment. (Point of fact, _usually_ Loki would have selected his wording with more care.)

“So Thor’s going to use it on Steve. Sounds good to me.”

“It may not work. I do not know if it will. It is a drug, at its simplest, simply grown as a fruit. The serum and his metabolism both have proven resistant to drugs in the past. What makes this one any different?” Loki is not looking at Clint, one hand rubbing and passing the ring between his fingers.

“Hey.”

“ _What_?” Loki snaps, facade breaking then slipping back into place.

“Stop that. You’re saying that it heals pretty much any injury on Asgard, right? You know the serum has increased his metabolism, and the metabolism is the part that makes it so drugs don’t have effect. I’ve seen how much Thor eats, and it’s more than Steve by a fair shot. Thor burns way more energy faster than Steve, and it’s worked on him. Right?” Loki doesn’t answer immediately. “Right?”

“Yes.”

“So it should work.”

Loki glances at him, eyes heavy-lidded. Clint meets the look.

“What?” Clint asks.

“You don’t need to be here,” Loki finally says after a few long minutes, voice flat.

“Bullshit. You’re family even if you married in.” Clint shoves his hands in his pockets and waits on Loki to say something snide, maybe something about how annoying they all are, how they aren’t _truly_ family, some half-joke that pushes back against the claim like he always does. Sure, whatever Loki says will piss Clint off, that’s a given, but at least it’s not pessimism and bone-crushing worry.

Loki doesn’t.

He opens his mouth like he’s going to, then closes it again, eyes damp. The hand handling the ring clenches tight around it and Clint realizes Loki’s shaking, so subtle he nearly missed it. Clint looks away before the first tears spill over, eyeing the walls and thinking about how they should invest in putting something on them because he needs _anything_ to distract him from this.

“‘Besides,” Clint says, voice gruff, “you pack a mean punch. Danger to the guards just trying to do their job. Rodriguez has a broken nose and Ackles’ has a limp thanks to you.” He doesn’t look over even though Loki has turned away.

It’s quiet for awhile and Clint keeps his gaze firmly on the walls and the floors and not Loki, because they both can pretend Loki is still holding things together if he doesn’t see the tears on his face.

“They shouldn’t have tried to stop me,” Loki finally says, voice choked.

“You’ve been saying that since you first stepped foot on this miserable ball of dirt.”

They glance at each other at very nearly the same time.

“What if--”

“You think asking that will make it not happen?”

Loki goes silent, looking away once more.

“You need a drink. Possibly several, but let’s start with one. Come on.”

“But--”

“You think he’s going to be conscious and up and at ‘em even with the apple? That you’ll be able to see him right away? Once he’s in the clear, the serum will do the rest. You’ve seen him heal up before. Come on, at least the walk will give you something to think about other than ‘what if.’ I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you if I need to.”

They stare at each other for a few long minutes.

“You’d _try_ ,” Loki eventually corrects.

“You mean I’d _succeed_ ,” Clint fires back, offering what scraps of a half-smirk he can.

“Those two soldiers would disagree with you, I imagine.”

Clint snorts, leading the way out of the waiting room and making his way towards his office. Loki’s still tense, still worried, and Clint knows it’s all reasonable (hell, if he was in Loki’s shoes, thirteen years of marriage between him and Steve, he has no idea if he’d hold up half so well as Loki’s acting), but at least Clint’s managed to offer some sort of distraction for now.

XXXXXX

The taste on Steve's tongue is what wakes him.

It's sweet. Not just sweet--it's Sweet, a soft hint of spring to it, as if tasting the first warm breeze of the season. Sweet enough to distract from _hurt_ and _pain_ and mindless white agony. There is a low rumble of distant thunder in his hearing, but all he can think about is the _taste_ and how he wants more because it feels like an eternity since he didn't hurt.

Then he falls asleep.

The next time he wakes, it's to the sounds of a hospital room, a dull throbbing ache in the back of his head, muscles stiff and bones hurting. It's not bad (not white fire racing through his every nerve).

More odd is how his senses feel dulled. It reminds him of cold syrup, except he hasn't been affected by cold syrup for _decades_ now.

He sits up gingerly, looking around the room, and then finally the rest of his memories catch up. The feeling like his every bone was breaking, the heavy weight of concrete and steel, and the definite wet crunch before he fainted. He studies his hands and bare arms and can't find a single scratch.

He is fairly certain even the super serum enhancement shouldn't have let him survive that.

"You're awake. Oh good."

Steve glances over and sees Tony shifting upright, still dressed in his clothes from before they got the call. He looks utterly haggard and it takes Steve a few moments to realize the briefcase at Tony's feet is one of the suits. That he must have been out of it enough they needed someone to help hold him down.

(He hopes desperately that Loki doesn't know, didn't see, because if he was hurt enough that they needed people to hold him down then he was hurt enough to be a breath away from death.)

"How ya feel, Cap?"

"A bit out of it," he admits. "How--"

"Ask Thor. He's the one with the magic apples apparently." A look of frustration briefly crosses Tony's face, but it's fleeting. "If I thought it'd be any use I'd pick his brain about it, but you know how Thor is."

Steve thinks of all Thor has learned in his pursuit of undoing Loki's punishment.

"You never know," he offers. He still feels uncertain, flat-footed.

"Oh, look, the horde of doctors. That's my cue to get out of here." Tony stands and stretches, then pats Steve's shoulder. "Try not getting killed for a few months, thanks."

Steve can handle doctors.  He knows these doctors well enough, and answering their questions helps him start to wake up a bit more. Eventually, it catches up to him that it was Tony he woke up to, not Thor--rare, with how little Tony likes anything resembling a hospital.

"Where's Thor?" he asks Dr. Taylor.

"With your husband," she says absently, studying a chart, and Steve isn't sure if he's relieved Thor's okay or worried what Loki's done to get into SHIELD.

Maybe both. Definitely both.

"Can I see him? Luke?"

"In a few minutes. Nearly done here, and we'll send him in."

True to her word, a few minutes later Loki is at the door. Steve takes in the sight of him where he stands, just barely a few steps into the room, arms folded, coffee--Steve thinks coffee, that Loki probably saw on the news while he was out--staining the hem of his pant’s leg. He looks a little drunk, and Steve wonders vaguely who thought that was a good idea.

“Love,” Steve says gently, “come here.”

Loki has never been one for hesitance, not at length, but he is now, steps unsure. Steve gently tugs his sleeve and Loki sits down on the bed, staring at him, drinking in the sight of him, shivering. His eyes are glassy wet, and Steve thinks about that, thinks about he very nearly didn’t get to see this, see _Loki_ , again.

“Love,” Steve says again, reaching a hand out. Loki catches it, not saying anything, and Steve stops and waits.

Loki traces over the bones of his hand, then lets go, pulling Steve’s left hand to him, slipping the wedding band that Steve hadn’t realized was gone back on. Loki’s hands tremble violently even as he tries to keep the rest of himself contained, and Steve thinks his heart might break.

(He does not regret what he did, only that he was injured so gravely in the process, and the hurt it’s caused Loki.)

Loki’s hands wrap around his once the wedding band is back in place, gaze lowered.

Steve doesn’t try to say anything else, only reaches forward with his right hand to draw Loki close. Loki is stiff, awkward, a shudder rocking through him as Steve gently tugs Loki’s head to rest against his neck, hands gripping Steve’s desperately. He draws his legs onto the bed, curling around Steve, into him.

“It’s okay,” Steve murmurs when Loki starts to sob, cradling him close with his free arm, stroking gently into his hair. “It’s okay, love. I’m here. I’m here. I’m alright.”

“I nearly lost you,” Loki says, voice broken and barely above a whisper, and one hand lets go of Steve’s hand to grip the front of his hospital gown, and then he sobs again, a low broken noise that makes Steve’s eyes sting.

_I nearly lost you_ , Steve thinks, and he rocks Loki against him, kissing his head, eventually slipping his other hand free to wrap both arms around his lover as Loki’s sobs fade to quiet crying, stroking him, touching him, reassuring himself and Loki he’s here yet, that it’s okay for now, pulling Loki with him as he leans back some.

Loki falls asleep eventually, but Steve doesn’t. He lays awake, feeling the weight of Loki in his arms and against his chest, and thinks.


End file.
